‘Twas the Hailstorm before Christmas

card_individual_771Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town

Not a roofer was stirring, not a single one around.

The decking was laid on the rafters with care,

In hopes that hail and wind would soon would be there.

 

The roofers were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of hail storms danced in their heads.

The trucks all had oil changes and tires anew

Just waiting for work and a strong roofing crew.

 

When up on the roof, the roofer heard such a clatter

He sprang from his bed and grabbed his best ladder.

Away to the garage and up the metal rungs.

He opened his eyes to see what the sky had flung.

 

The moon lit the roof in a wondrous white glow

And the roofer could see just what lay below

Spherical frozen bits of ice from the sky did fall

“It’s hail!” he cried “The size of a softball!”

 

The skies opened up and the hail came down

Roofers could hear the shingles bruising from everywhere in town.

More rapid than eagles did the roofer’s next vision come:

Insurance claims and dollar signs all marching one by one.

 

“Now, Allstate and State Farm and Nationwide

On, Farmers and Progressive there’s money to be made!

To the top of the porch! To the top of the roof!

I pray not a single shingle is hail-proof!”

 

As the hail was blown like a wild hurricane fly,

It met automotive aluminum as it fell from the sky.

It was clear this storm was nowhere near done,

Soon the car dealerships joined in on the fun.

 

But not everyone was thrilled with what Mother Nature beset

One by one claims agents awoke in a cold sweat.

“Hail!” they cried in horror as they watched the display.

“This means I’ll be processing claims through Labor Day!”

 

Homeowners also awoke in a cold sweat

All they could see was a mountain of debt

That this hail storm had brought to their home

“My claim better be quick!” they all said with a groan.

 

As the storm passed over, as the new dawn came

Before any work began and before the first claim

Out each homeowners’ window spied terrible shockers

Their neighborhoods had been invaded by roofing door-knockers!

 

Rat-tat-tat and ding dong up and down each street

These door knockers were looking for some poor sap to cheat.

“We promise to make your roof indestructible!”

“We’ll do your roof for less than your deductible!”

 

“Sign right here and we can end your sorrow!”

“We promise your roof will be done tomorrow!”

But then from out of the door-knocker fog

Came a white truck adorned with a red-eyed tree frog.

 

“Don’t you sign a thing!” the driver did holler.

“These door-knockers are looking to make a quick dollar!”

“Excel Roofing backs their work 100 percent!

And you don’t pay a cent until you’re content!”

 

Homeowners perked up and began to feel good

Here was a roofing company who really understood.

Excel Roofing exclaimed as they drove the door-knockers out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Good-Night!”



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